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UNDERSTANDING AND EXPRESSING YOUR ANGER



This is one of those touchy subjects and at times can be controversial because you may have a belief that says anger is bad, it's inappropriate and should never be expressed. Some of us have grown up learning that anger is a “negative” emotion and that we shouldn't be angry.

Growing up most of us had some sort of cultural, familial and social conditioning, telling us what is good and what is bad.


If your parents didn't have an emotional range to deal with your anger it would have been suppressed within you. For example if your parents weren't ok with expressing their anger, when you expressed yours they didn't have the emotional capacity to just be with you and allow you to express that anger and really understand and get into your world to really listen and feel you. They had to suppress that emotion within you because it's not ok within them. So as a child you learned that anger is not ok and learn not to express that emotion as it did not make your parents happy. All parents do the best they can with what they have. This is why I see the importance in doing this work.


Even as adults we have seen negative impacts of anger in relationships with our partner, friends and family. So anger for most people comes with a negative connotation. Many of us have seen anger and the impacts of it, whether it's physical or emotional abuse. But unfortunately most people confuse rage with anger. Rage is when we suppress and repress our anger until we hit a breaking point where that pressure needs to be released and we lose control and act totally crazy.


I sometimes see this with parents and children. Some parents don't want to get angry at their kids when they are throwing a tantrum so they ignore them and don't deal with it. Then it happens again and the parents suppresses that anger again and again until they can't take it anymore and lash out at the child by yelling and screaming at them or even hitting them as the rage has taken over but if they had initially been able to deal with and set clear boundaries in the first place, where they felt ok in being firm with the child they wouldn't need to go into rage and let their emotions take over and be in the driver's seat.


The issue with repressing your anger and not being able to own you