Having been on the awakening path for the last 3 years of my life, I have come to understand, experience and observe the stories that we tell ourselves. Seeing it in myself, in Roman, my family, my friends and in clients we come up with a story to validate a certain belief we have and also to prove to ourselves that our story is right. For example in my life I have a story that I am not loved, appreciated or important enough. My whole life, I actually believed this story. My life would always show evidence that this story was true so this story became my reality and I couldn’t escape from it. You blame others for your reality not knowing that you are actually the one creating your reality by believing your stories.
Since then I have changed my perspective and see where all of these stories came from and how they definitely started at a very young age. I can see that it is all an illusion. We react to certain situations, challenges, conversations or comments. Jumping to conclusions that the this situation happened, this person did this or this person said that because…...you are not important enough.
Occasionally these stories do still pop up for me and I am ok with that because I am aware of what they are…”STORIES” I’ll give you an example: Say your partner is out with his friends and he knows that he is going to be home late, but he’s having fun and loses track of time and forgets to text you that he’ll be late. You are at home stressing out because you haven’t heard from him. You start telling yourself “Why can’t he just text me? Am I not important enough to him to take one moment out of his night to text me and let me know how he is going. The fact he hasn’t texted me means he doesn’t love me. He doesn’t appreciate the fact that I’m here stressing out wondering if he’s ok” All these stories start to plague your mind and you haven’t even had a conversation with him yet. This becomes your evidence to prove your story. But in this instance he wasn’t intentionally trying to make you feel you weren’t important enough. He simply just lost track of time. If you aren’t aware of the stories, this particular situation could trigger a lot of things in each other and if not expressed in a safe space with compassion and understanding this situation could totally go the other way.
I recently had a very interesting experience with my son. This experience gave me a practical example of how important knowing this information is. I can see how valuable it is to equip our children with the tools to be able to move and navigate through life’s many challenges, so they don’t have to go through the struggles that we faced growing up. I was able to be an observer and actually witness first hand how as children we can start to develop stories about ourselves which if not expressed in a safe space or addressed can carry on into our adult life. These stories can end up running your life and become your reality. Roman and I try really hard to educate our children about the ego and how it can sometimes tell you things that might not actually be true.
I had bought my daughter a treat the day before as we had been out all day the two of us at dance competitions. The next day my son found the remaining evidence of this treat in the bin. When he discovered this he began to get very upset and angry at me for buying his sister a treat and not him. He began to cry and throw a tantrum. Words started flowing out of his mouth like “Why do you always buy her stuff and never me, It’s not fair” This wasn’t the reality of the situation but in this moment it was for him. I can tell you that I didn’t intentionally want to hurt him but this situation obviously triggered a story for him. So I took him aside and asked him what his ego was telling him? It took some patience on my behalf as his body was unwilling to cooperate, he was wriggling and writhing not wanting to be held. I could see him fighting his ego on quite a physical level. So I assured him that what he was experiencing and expressing was totally fine and to be with it. I have been in the same exact place many times before and being able to express helps a great deal. I find that when he can express his feelings in that moment he comes back to the present very quickly. So I held him and asked him if he wanted to let go of his ego and he said yes, so we sat there and screamed together letting the anger he was feeling out. After a couple of screams his body had settled down and he became alot calmer. I asked him again what his ego was telling him? He began to tell me that his ego was telling him that I didn’t love him. I asked him if he thought that this was actually true and he said no, but his ego was arguing with him. He was able to recognise that the story his ego was telling him was not the truth but his ego was trying to gather more proof to validate the belief that he is not loved and he was able to experience that first hand. He is 7 years old. I was so incredibly proud of him! I battle my ego on a daily basis and I know how incredibly hard it is to let it go and he was able to do it. He may not understand the significance of what he was able to overcome but I know that this will be an invaluable tool for him in his future and something I know he will also be able to teach to others. (He has already started telling kids his age, not to listen to their ego!)
Can you imagine if people were aware of their ego and these stories, how many misunderstandings would not exist?
What stories are you telling yourself?
With Love, Annalie