For the past week, I have been attempting at various times to "produce" a piece of writing/content to share my creative process leading up to my song release because I said I would. I've been quite hard on myself for falling into resistance - breaking through and feeling empowered - to then find myself in resistance once again. Quite honestly I can see how I've approached this desire to express myself & share from old beliefs, constructs, and ways of operating that leave me feeling more stressed & depleted than Inspired & filled up. I can really liken it to trying to force yourself to go to the toilet when you are constipated, no matter how hard you try it just won't come out! I've also noticed all the resistances that come up to distract me from holding firm boundaries around the container of what I intended to create. My focus then becomes more worried about how I am going to be perceived or what will happen (externally) than how I want to feel or what I want to experience (internally) and takes me out of the enjoyment of the process. The pressure I feel to deliver is intense but the pressure is not coming from anyone outside of me but from within. This isn't something new that I am experiencing in my life this is a common theme that immediately follows anytime I decide to follow my inner knowing or do something I know is in alignment with my soul.
I am learning to integrate a new way of being & I can see these are all opportunities for me to keep embodying what I have learnt, to continue to face my true north without making it mean something (e.g. I'm a failure) anytime I get caught up in the old. It's a transition and transitions take time. Owning it bringing it into the light, and speaking to these energies don't allow them to covertly operate and hijack your experience without your awareness. I now have access to consciously choose to write from a place of alignment to my original intention and my intention was to honour my process, honour my journey & to share what is real.