Today I watched a documentary that unlocked a longing within that I really needed to express. This documentary was about a Sensitive Artist - A Rapper, the journey of his life and what shaped him to be who he is today and the influence his life journey has had on his art and his expression of it. I resonated with so much of his journey and I feel so many sensitive souls would also relate. He did not have a stable father figure but he did have a grandfather he adored and that really took on the role of father. His grandfather would write to him old school - pen to paper letters. When I heard a clip of one of the letters his grandfather sent him at a time he was struggling to find his way I could feel the emotion welling up in my eyes. The voice and guidance of a wise one an elder a mentor an ally that would be there for you no matter what mistakes or wrong turns you make. A voice of deep inner wisdom and truth that pierces the armour, cuts to the core, reaches your soul essence and guides you lovingly back onto the path you came here to walk.
This instantly triggered memories of feeling so isolated and disconnected from the world especially as a teen. Both my parent's had their own shit to deal with and they were so emotionally disconnected from self which in turn meant emotionally disconnected from me. I wished so hard to have a safe place or someone that I could turn to for guidance when my emotions got the better of me but wherever I looked there was no one there. This only caused more despair. I was so concerned with fitting in that I shape shifted into whatever I needed to be in order to be love and accepted. I had no sense of self! I felt so alone!