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My Story/How I came to be here:

 

I was born in the Philippines and immigrated to Australia when I was 2 with my mother and my step-father. I moved out of home quite young, at the age of 16 just after my parents divorced. I felt stuck in the middle of them, and pressured to choose a side. I learnt a valuable lesson from witnessing their relationship both before and after the divorce… I was shown how co-dependency and narcissism affects families and relationships. This experience was also a divine nudge that shaped my life’s work - one that I am very grateful for.

 

Leaving home at such young age forced me to grow up fast. I had to go straight into the working world and face up to real-life responsibilities. It strengthened my independence even more and I felt free to be my own person but soon noticed some of the problems {that I thought were caused by my parents} followed me to my new life. 

 

Keeping to the theme of rapid growth, I gave birth to my first child at 21 years of age. I thought that by having my own family and children, I could somehow re-write history and right the wrongs of my experiences of a dysfunctional childhood. I also thought that having a baby would make my life different and would be the answer to my problems. It wasn’t the answer and it wasn’t easy either… I felt the energy of mum-guilt from the moment I knew I was pregnant. After giving birth I felt the intensity and stress of being totally responsible for a vulnerable little person. I had no idea at the time that I was picking up on a cultural and societal norms about women feeling pressured to do and be everything. I also felt some of the pressure was generational passed for one women in lineage to the next. Being an empath I felt all so intensely. For example, when others questioned what I was doing parent-wise I could really feel the judgement loaded in the question and took it on as my own issue.

 

I got sucked into a vortex where I had to use all these parts of myself to fit in to being a mum and partner. My self-esteem was so low because of the relationship dynamic I was in. Being a mum on top of that at such a young age contributed to me attacking my self-worth even more.

 

If I could pick one thing I used to say over and over to myself was: Am I good enough? In all forms… am I good enough mum, partner, daughter, student, friend. 

 

I had always run away from the idea I would follow in my parent's footsteps, yet somehow I found myself replaying their story. Feeling trapped in the same generational pattern that seemed to plague the women in my family including co-dependancy, self-sacrifice, mum-guilt, as well as accepting any behaviour or forcing a change in me in return for perceived love and security.   

 

It took a crisis in the form of a relationship breakdown with the father of my children for me to finally STOP and ask myself some very important questions….

  • Am I genuinely happy?

  • Do I know who I truly am?

  • Do I know what I really want?

  • Do I really want to go on living this way?

  • What example am I setting for my children?

 

Having awareness about what I was replaying was a blessing in disguise because I knew I had to dig deep to find the courage to choose me and forge a new pathway for myself, my children, their children and so on.

 

I was able to completely rewrite my life including all my experiences and how I showed up in relation to myself, my partner, friends and family. I have re-created how I show up as mother to my children - free from the patterns that played-out in my family - greatly inspiring my passion and this work. To feel the difference of how I was previously living and experiencing life to now, are two completely opposite ends of the spectrum.

 

This did not come naturally and it was not easy, it also took a really long time. I had to love myself more than the idea that I had an obligation to my children, to keep their family together, even if it meant sacrificing my happiness. Staying in a dysfunctional relationship for the sake of the children was the very thing I vowed never to do. I had gone through that experience with my parents and it affected me greatly. I gained an understanding first hand of why it was so hard for my parents. It also revealed to me how important it was for me to be an example for my children.

 

If I became conscious of trying to avoid the mistakes my parents made - yet somehow still ended up in their shoes - what hope would my children have of living a life any different? This meant I would have to live the life I wanted for my children and embody the person I hope they would become. In no circumstances would I ever want them to sacrifice their happiness for another. I wanted the cycle to stop with me.

 

So I dove into my inner world to explore and I found… you only allow what you are already doing to yourself. The harsh and very sad truth hit me… I must have really hated myself.

 

My focus became about my connection with me, fostering a deep relationship with myself. If I couldn’t learn to love and accept myself, how could anyone love and accept me?

 

When I put into practice the very things I was learning, I felt awakened to a whole new perspective! The thought patterns we choose shape the way we experience our life. There are so many things that we can learn from our life experiences, we just need to find the lessons so we can move on more empowered and free.

 

I attracted the the relationship I had been focusing within into my external reality in the form of my Divine Counterpart. This connection activated a deepening of the sacred union within (twin flame)  and accelerated my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual growth. I have learnt so much about myself in this union than I ever did on my own and for that I am eternally grateful.

 

I don’t have all the answers and I don’t have everything "under control." Who does? I am happily doing the best I can with what I know. I’m always learning and receiving new insights which have enabled me to live more freely.

 

I am just like you! I battle demons everyday but through my truth, my personal experiences and my own transformation and journey (back home to my heart) my intention and hope is to help support you on your inner-journey. To help guide and empower yourself to believe in you, to love you unconditionally, so you can express who you are fully in this world and not be ashamed or afraid of the beautiful unique soul that is you! My commitment to you and to me is to practice what I preach. Being an example of what I want for others is to be that myself.